Tuesday, October 30, 2012

So are we pregnant?

Well your guess is as good as ours!

I'm writing from a pretty angry place right now as SI advised us, only after we e-mailed this morning asking when our test results would be available, that the bHCG would only be done today.  The test was supposed to be performed on Saturday.

No e-mail, no phone call - no chance of knowing why there has been a delay unless we e-mailed them to ask what was going on.  And even then, it was a simple one liner late this afternoon saying it will be done today and the result would be provided tomorrow.

And this is what our normal experience has been like with SI since June.  No consideration, no care and no communication.  I recognise the massive opportunity we have being able to access surrogacy in India but we are beginning to face the stark realisation that we have made a monumental fuck up by choosing SI.  From all I've read on other blogs, there are more things to worry about in the process than whether or not the people trying to help you have a baby 1. care, or 2. will bother communicating with you once they have the money deposited.  And really, communication issues are just the tip of the iceberg and leads me to concerns about the other people involved - our surrogate.

Most people experience the emotional highs and lows of surrogacy arising from their attempt at getting pregnant and watching the pregnancy develop.  I feel that we now have the additional burden that if we did get pregnant tomorrow that we have to face with this level(?) of support for a further 8 months.

Over the last few months I refrained from criticising our clinic, thinking the culture is different and our expectations need to be adjusted - and they have.  But the truth is basic communication and consideration are business fundamentals in any country and they are simply not present here.  It is very isolating to feel this way as there are limited options of venting the level of frustration we're experiencing.  Generally family and friends don't understand fully what you're going through, and close friends, while being endlessly supportive, always play the role of trying to keep you positive.  There's no surrogacy ombudsmen, no regulator and no chance that things will improve in the near future for us.

 I read blogs about people going through SCI and can't believe how lucky they are to have a clinic who can communicate effectively and actually talk to them after a negative result.  Following our final bHCG test on our last attempt - there was no correspondence from SI at all until we approached them about another attempt 6 weeks later.  I don't expect a full blow by blow dissection of the what happened from FET to HCG result - but I did expect a phone call or e-mail - saying something along the lines of "We're sorry your received a negative result.  When you're ready to move forward and discuss your approach please contact us and we can have a chat."  We suggested this after our first negative, but alas it has fallen on deaf ears.

I'll end there because as cathartic as this is, I could probably go on for hours.  So thanks for listening and tomorrow we prod again to remind them to send our result...but I can't say at this point in time I'm overly optimistic about the outcome.



  1. Hi Guys, so sorry to hear of your lack of communication with your clinic. This journey is jam packed with emotions and it is very comforting to know when you have a good clinic that comunicates well. At SCI if there is any bad news Dr Shivani is on the phone not email and Dr Shivani's team also contacts us when they say and usually at the end of the every email we are informed when our next scans will be.
    We have had a rough trott and have thought of other clinics but haven't jumped ship as SCI has been absolutely amazing.
    Wishing you only the best for your results and that they come soon.


  2. Thanks fellas. Different story here. But your tenacity has paid off and your experience with SCI seems similar to other bloggers out there. The last time we tried to speak to our clinic after a calamity of errors and miscommunications on their part - which we go very agitated at - the refused to take our calls. We have only ever been "allowed" to speakt to them on two occasions - when we were in Mumbai and once of the phone prior to our second attempts. When the dates started changing, the scans weren't in line with the transfer date and a number of other "communciation" issues - they refused to speak to us so we could understand what the hell was going on over there. We feel trapped that our "genes" are with them, but have heard horror stories about moving genetic material to other clinics - not to mention any new clinics being satisfied that the appropriate checks and tests have been done by the clinic you're moving from. So, today we look at our bank balance and our future and feel quite bad about our decision. Thanks for your advice though and I really am pleased that you have a clinic that doesn't just treat you as an income stream but as people trying to have a baby!

  3. Guys, we have been following your blog for awhile now, as we initially considered using SI as well. We heard some great testimonials from people, but our gut just told us that we should go with another clinic (SCI), and we did. We are now in the midst of our 2WW like you, and we can't imagine the stress of this process compounded by concerns about the operations and communications of one's chosen clinic. I'm so sorry you regret your choice, but I am thankful that you are telling your story so that others may take it into consideration. Hopefully you will hear great news tomorrow, but if not, please consider switching clinics if possible and despite your sunk costs. At any rate, we will continue to follow your story and hope it has a wonderful outcome. Please don't give up--fingers and toes crossed!

  4. Wow, I am so sorry to see you're going through this. Like Ben, we were choosing between SI and SCI in the end, but went with SCI on instinct. I concur with him - I know detailing all this puts you in a tough spot, but I'm glad you're being honest - at least for the next round of future parents.

    But I wish you all the luck with your pregnancy test - in the end, holding a baby in nine months is all that matters! You're clearly committed to making this happen. And it WILL happen one way or another. Period.

    Until tomorrow!!

  5. Guys I'm so angry for you too, it's such an emotional time the last thing you need is the added stress of lack of communication with the clinic (I'm also with sci and agree with guys above they have been very interactive and informative), I'm keeping everything crossed that 2moro brings you a positive! Xx

  6. Hey guys, like the other commenters I'm super sorry about your experience. We were at Rotunda and experienced some similar issues, but none it seems as frustrating. I wish you much luck on your result tomorrow...and as a backup, look in to shipping your "genes" in a cryoshipper. Some fertility clinics have the shipper, and it costs less than flying there and back again. Another third party company that sends shippers to clinics/sperm banks is http://www.xytextissues.com. I spoke to them last summer and to ship from Hawaii to Delhi was about $800 (shipping only, not including clinic charges). I confirmed with SCI that they had received shipments from them before and they were fine. Not that you are going to do this because you very well may have a big fat positive tomorrow! Good luck...and please don't worry about being angry or frustrated. We've ALL been there. Fingers crossed for you...

  7. Thanks for all your support guys. I reassuring that there are people out there who know what it's like to go through this process and how it might feel having the added stress of a disengaged clinic. Still no word on the test result - but we're trying to keep positive that nothing ominous has happened. Cheers GBLC

  8. Hey, guys. Don't feel bad about your decision of clinic; it's what made sense. If this test comes back positive (hopefully it does!) just know that the remaining 8 months is up to mother nature and has nothing to do with the inefficiencies of clerical staff.

    There are stereotypes on the way that Indian citizens communicate - never giving a straight answer. Whether that is true or not, I don't know. A lot of bloggers focus on Dr/ Shivani's compassion and kindness, but, honestly, what got us through all of this is that she is no BS. She is very blunt and to the point when she needs to be. When we were freaking out about a low beta, and then about the s/c bleeding, and then about the brain cyst - she has been very straightforward (i.e. suck it up, chances are it will be fine, if not, we will figure it out). Maybe she is able to read people really well and knows what we need to hear. I don't know.

    Fingers crossed for you guys that you get a big fat positive. If not, dust off and replan. Good luck guys!!